Dear Committee Members (9780385538145) by Julie Schumacher

By Julie Schumacher

Finally a singular that places the "pissed" again into "epistolary."

Jason Fitger is a beleaguered professor of inventive writing and literature at Payne college, a small and never very extraordinary liberal arts collage within the midwest. His division is dealing with draconian cuts and squalid quarters, whereas one flooring above them the Economics division is getting lavishly transformed places of work. His once-promising writing profession is within the doldrums, as is his romantic existence, partly because the results of his unwise use of his deepest affairs for his novels. His celebrity (he thinks) pupil cannot capture a holiday together with his excellent (he thinks) work Accountant in a Bordello, according to Melville's Bartleby. in brief, his lifestyles is a story of woe, and the automobile this droll and artistic novel makes use of to inform that story is a chain of hilarious letters of advice that Fitger is ceaselessly referred to as upon via his scholars and associates to provide, each of that's a small masterpiece of excessive dudgeon, low spirits, and passive-aggressive thoughts. We recommend Dear Committee Members to you within the most powerful attainable phrases

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In an ideal world, I would outlaw literature exams entirely; I would also eschew the twin barbarities of “attendance” and “participation” as grading criteria, necessitated by workload increase. Ms. Goldberg 4. Are there any other comments you would like to add? Yes: I would like to finish my fucking sentences. I suppose your organization is to be commended for not resorting to the absurd array of little black boxes in which recommenders like me are asked to rate applicants according to [ ] likelihood of earning a Nobel Prize, [ ] personal hygiene, [ ] ability to form coherent sentences not randomly punctuated by “like” or “really” or other verbal fluff, but given that your damnable form has cut me off every time I initiate a 5.

Are we going to spend the rest of our days in the shadow of H. Reginald Hanf and the Seminar, those few (admittedly powerful) years ever dogging our steps? : Thank you for not requiring that recommenders submit their letters via an online form. Though technically capable of e-mail, I remain leery, given the fiasco of my “reply all” message in August. ) Call me a Luddite, but I intend to resist for as long as possible the use of robotic fill-in-the-blank quantifiers for the intellectual attributes of human beings.

Logically, one might suggest that I solicit the assistance of my department chair, but he is a professor of sociology, appointed by the university’s warlords to rule our asylum until the inmates exhibit greater pliability and calm. In any event, I did ultimately locate the elusive Glenk, who, after wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve, refused to confirm or deny the existence of his LOR on Browles’s behalf. In case he sends or has sent a letter, allow me to provide some context for it: Glenk is a merciless and vengeful chucklehead—an Eliot scholar suffering from the delusion that he is a poet, though he hasn’t written a word of any significance for a dozen years.

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