By Tucker Max
What do you do once you write a no 1 bestselling publication approximately your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you wealthy and recognized? have a good time by means of getting extra inebriated and having insane quantities of intercourse, evidently. And beautiful quickly you've acquired one other fucking booklet in your hands.
Stuffed filled with ridiculous tales of undesirable judgements, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes end First starts off the place i am hoping They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to "some next-level shit."
You already know the way ladies react to self assurance, online game, and vodka, yet what occurs if you happen to upload funds and reputation to the combination? You get solutions to the not easy questions you've by no means considered asking:
• What's it prefer to have intercourse with a midget? What approximately midgets?
• How does it suppose to get a number of requests to "fuck for charity"?
• What does it do to a guy to monitor a 19-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, in order that she will have intercourse with you earlier than her dual sister does?
• At how many virgins does deflowering them cease being enjoyable and begin feeling like a job?
• while a lady you met 3 hours in the past comes to a decision to tattoo your identify subsequent to her pussy, what's the applicable reaction?
• are you able to X-ray a blowjob?
The solutions are inside of, they're absurd and hilarious, and they're the made from one man's experiences:
His identify is Tucker Max, and he's nonetheless an asshole.
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Extra resources for Assholes Finish First
With almost 2000 students representing nearly every program and department at the University in attendance, this is also the premier graduate and professional student social event of the year. ” The bolding is theirs, not mine. Not only do they want grad students to spend their limited free time toiling in a parking lot, they are condescending about it. Either that, or they’re just fucking retarded—do they really think that being stuck in a parking lot with 2,000 nerds is “the premier graduate and professional student social event of the year”?
I took a deep breath and bellowed: “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! CREDIT, I AM THE GREATEST MAN ALIVE!! ” I ran out of my room into the living room. Hate was jolted forward in his recliner, white-knuckling the armrests with a look on his face like he’d just seen the devil. Credit had the same exasperated expression he got when he learned the student parking lot was a full mile away from the law school building. Tucker “Holy shit! The volume’s only at 6! ” I turned it down to 2—loud but still a manageable indoor volume—and spoke to everyone exclusively through the bullhorn for the next week.
Tents suck. They are nothing but walls made of thin fabric. You essentially sleep on the ground. Given the choice, most people would take the RV. But it takes money to rent an RV for a weekend, and the vast majority of grad students are broke. Therefore, a divide develops naturally between the haves and the have-nots. The law students, business school students, and med students tend to be the ones with some excess money, so they rent the RVs and get to sleep in relative luxury in a nice clean parking lot.